I Owe it to Her

When I was around 11 years old, I used to post singing videos on Facebook and Youtube. I remember it was summer 2011. I went to my friend's house, and we made a video of me singing Take a Bow by Rihanna.

I was very excited. I finally posted my frist official singing video on Youtube. But when school started again, the bullying was insane.

I was in grade 7, I was 13 years old. Before I even walked back into school, I was already getting hate comments from kids my town. Stuff like

"Kill yourself" "I had to go the ER because of how bad your singing is" "You sound like a dying bird"

I still remember sitting in front of the computer reading those comments. I was just a child.

Now at 27, I can't even imagine how that little girl was feeling. And then having to go to school after all that? My Anxiety was through the roof. Nobody stood up for me, not even the friends that I had at that time.

The older kids were the worst. Every break at school, they would yell things like "Standing ovations!" or ask me when my next video was coming out, just to laugh. It was daily humiliation . One top of that, I was the only black person in my entire school. So the bullying wasn't just about my singing, it was also about my skin. And the thing is I wasn't even bad. I was just a kid. Strangers online were actually really kind and supportive. But the people I saw every day? The were brutal.

The bullying got so bad that Youtube muted my video and shut off the comments. I wanted to delete it, but I couldn't, I shared the account with a friend, and we forgot the password.

It was a very painful three years.

But then something happened. The 9th graders the one who bullied me the most, were planning their graduation show and came up to me. They asked me to sing for it. I knew it wasn't out of kindness. They wanted to humiliate me in front of the whole school.

And for some reason... I said yes.

I rehearsed with them. No one said anything. They just told me to bring my background music. I forgot it or maybe something else happened, but in the end, I sang Take a Bow a cappella. The same exact song that started all the bullying.

It was just me, a mic, and my voice.

The whole school was watching. Silence. Then applause.

People weren't laughing this time. Some of the same boys who bullied me came up and shook my hand. One of my friends even told me our teacher who never liked me, looked like he was about to cry.

That day, I earned respect. The bullying didn't disappear, but it slowed down.

And now, 14 years later, I think back to that day and wonder. How did I do that?

I had anxiety back then. I was masking. I was hurting. But I still stood up for myself. I sang. And now, as an adult. I let fear stop me from doing things I want to try.

But I owe that little girl. I owe her. I owe it to her.

She showed up, even though she was terrified.

So I need to show up too.

I want to say this to whoever's reading

People will talk whether you're winning or failing, whether you're talented or not. So just do the thing anyway.

Make the video. Post your art. Share your story.

You don't need permission.

That 13 year old me didn't have much but she had courage.

And I think I still do too.